


wisteria

by lmao_thunder



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Lots of unrequited love b/c hanahaki, M/M, One-Sided Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_thunder/pseuds/lmao_thunder
Summary: Love was not worth dying for.At least not like this
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau (implied), Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov (implied), Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier (Implied), Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter (implied), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	wisteria

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starksnack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/gifts).



> So I originally wrote this as an original story but then after talking tropes with my Stevetony wife, Kait, I decided to rewrite it as a Stevetony fic. So please enjoy my take on Hanahaki Disease. I might consider writing more in this 'verse if people are interested. 
> 
> Special thanks to [my everything, Kait](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/pseuds/starksnack) for hyping me up and for the beta-reading. You're the best Kait ily <333

The white rose petals were covered in blood. It was a rather gruesome sight but one that Tony and Rhodey were entirely immune to at this point in their careers. Tony moved over to their patient, a charming young man named Charles, and patted his back as the petals of another rose rushed to escape from his throat. Once the coughing had subsided and it seemed like he could take a breath, Tony moved to clean the bloody petals off his bed sheet while Rhodey checked over Charles.

“Deep breaths, I know it isn’t easy but I need to hear the strain of your lungs. Your options are narrowing more and more with each day Charles. You know that.” Rhodey said to their patient and the young man followed his directions despite the pain. He was strong in that way and Tony found it admirable.

Then again all their patients were admirable for braving the Hanahaki disease and choosing the pain over the loss. Tony certainly wouldn’t do the same. This sort of pain was self-inflicted beyond the initial flower and while love was a beautiful thing that didn’t mean it was worth dying for in this way. That had always been Tony’s way of thinking and as the time went by and more patients of his chose to take death over their feelings it cemented his way of thinking.

Love was not worth dying for.

At least not like this.

* * *

“Who do we have to see today?” Rhodey muttered as he slipped on his white coat upon entering the floor dedicated to Hana patients. Tony looked away from the computer where he was writing up an email to the in-house pharmacy to look at his usual partner.

“We have Charles, Clint, Carol, and a new patient named Steve Rogers.” He responded while handing over the file of the new patient. Rhodey took it with a nod and began looking at the charts of their newest admit. Tony had already reviewed it and found it to be as sad as all the others that had come before him.

These people with their love, a love that they believed was worth dying for, and their pain that they’d rather suffer than give up to live. These people who believed that it was better to die loving someone even if they would never be loved back in return. People who most would call incredibly selfless but Tony would argue were incredibly naïve. There was nothing to be gained from loving so much you were willing to suffocate over your one-sided love. These people who didn’t end up thinking of all the other people they left behind as they chose to die in a flutter of bloody petals for someone who didn’t feel the same way. It made them naïve and selfish but who was Tony to judge them?

He was their nurse. He was there to ease the pain until it couldn’t be endured further. He didn’t have to agree with their decisions. All he had to do was his job and provide them with their limited options until there wasn’t one left. He was entirely used to this after a few years much like Rhodey was.

“Well, then we should go meet with Carol before the others. Our newest addition can wait because he’s definitely not as far gone as Carol. God, why she won’t listen is beyond me.” Rhodey said, the last bit likely not intended for Tony to hear. The words however did confirm some of Tony’s suspicions, those being that Rhodey did indeed care about Carol a little more than the average patient. Tony knew how that would end: Rhodey with teary eyes as Carol coughed up bloody petals and tried to gasp for breath and fail to do so. Making friends with these patients was an awful idea and Tony knew it first-hand. He hadn’t ever forgotten the deep sadness after Pepper had died on him. That was the first and last time he’d let himself get truly attached to a patient in any real way.

“Carol first then,” Tony said and followed after Rhodey to go see their patient.

* * *

Carol gave them a bright smile as they entered the room and Tony could almost believe for a second that she wasn’t choking on her petals half the time. She could pretend that the petals neatly stacked by her bedside were just petals that had fallen from the artfully arranged yellow chrysanthemums sitting in the glass vase innocently. It was believable until she started looking strained, no doubt trying to hold in her cough. It seemed she was attached to Rhodey and Tony themselves too considering she always tried to look like she wasn’t in pain in their presence, but Tony couldn’t pretend like Carol.

The petals burst from her mouth in a seemingly endless flurry of yellow. It was just her luck that the flowers that had chosen to grow in her lungs produced so many tiny petals. Tony imagined that made everything even more problematic. The small petals attached themselves far more easily to her windpipe and kept her from breathing in tiny increments. Carol Danvers was truly dying of an incredibly slow chokehold.

“Did you know that yellow chrysanthemums mean unrequited love?” Carol asked them after her coughing fit had subsided and she seemed okay to breathe on her own. The pinched look on Rhodey’s face gave away his frustration with his stubborn patient but one look from Tony had the doctor smoothing out his expression. Personal feelings had to be put aside, they were professionals after all, and Rhodey certainly had to remember that even if he was close with his patient.

“They do?” Rhodey asked and Carol nodded before breaking out into a soft laugh that betrayed how she really felt despite the bright expression still lighting up her face.

“Yeah. All the better right? I know these petals are for _her_ and I know that there’s no hope.” Carol answered and for the first time since Tony had met her, he saw the tears well up in the warm chocolate brown eyes.

“Carol—” Rhodey began as he moved over to comfort his patient but Carol’s words halted him before he could finish.

“I want the surgery. I can’t do this anymore. I thought that I’d be able to last until the end. That I could be brave enough to die for it but I can’t. I can’t. I’m a coward. I can’t.” Carol broke down into sobs and Tony left the room to immediately go get a theater prepared for Carol.

He wouldn’t think about the fact that Carol reminded him an awful lot of Pepper. Never mind the fact that Tony hadn’t always felt comfortable around Carol because of the similarity in the situation. Rhodey was better suited for comforting that particular patient anyway. That’s what mattered and what would allow Tony to feel less guilty.

* * *

After Carol’s breakdown, Tony and Rhodey completed their rounds of Charles and Clint before they were faced with meeting their new patient. Carol had been whisked off to get rid of her flowers and the other two still firmly believed in their love no matter how unrequited. Charles especially refused to cave despite how his time was running out.

Rhodey knocked on the door before entering the room with Tony trailing after. Inside a handsome young man around their age sat in the bed. His eyes a sparkling blue that contrasted nicely with his golden hair and fit in with his symmetrical features and chiseled jaw. He was certainly the kind of man that would capture Tony’s attention. What Rhodey would easily classify as Tony’s type despite Tony’s insistence that he didn’t have a type.

“Mr. Rogers I wish I could say it’s a pleasure to meet you but these circumstances aren’t the best are they?” Rhodey said as he moved towards the foot of the bed where Steve’s most up to date chart was hanging. “I’m Doctor Rhodes and this is Nurse Stark. We’ll be your regular team so if there’s anything you need by all means come to us first. Everyone is here to help you but we’re personally assigned to you.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” he replied and even his voice sounded pleasant. It would just be Tony’s luck that the first man in a while to draw his attention was a patient.

“Now Mr. Rogers we need to go through procedure and—” Tony began only to be cut off by his new patient.

“Steve please, you’re going to be taking care of me for the foreseeable future. There’s no reason for us to stand on ceremony when you’ll probably be watching me cough up countless flower petals.” The blonde interrupted Tony and he nodded before opening his mouth again to start the usual spiel again.

“Mr.—right Steve we need to go through procedure. I’ll make it quick as I’m sure there are things you rather do than sit here and have to listen to this. You have contracted Hanahaki Disease which is an illness that arises as a result of one-sided love. You have been hospitalized which implies that your condition has gone on long enough that living a regular life is no longer entirely possible. Your options are now to share your feelings of love with the other person and in the hope that your love is not one-sided as you currently believe, remove the flowers and your feelings for that person through surgery, or wait it out. Waiting it out is always an option and one that we respect in this hospital so don’t feel as if we won’t support you if you choose to take that route. As it stands according to your charts currently your hospitalization is more precautionary than entirely necessary but your condition seems to be rapidly worsening. Have you already reached a decision in terms of which route you want to take or will you need time to think?” Tony finished and the handsome man sitting in the bed gave him a sad smile.

“I’m going to wait it out,” he answered before he began coughing up pink rose petals. The petals were few but still a good enough reminder of why Steve was here in this room with Tony.

“Very well. We’ll make note of it and leave you alone to rest. If there’s anything you need from us, please let us know,” Rhodey said as he jotted down the time of his coughing fit after a glance at the clock on the wall. He returned the chart to its place on the footboard before nodding to their patient and exiting the room.

“I’m one buzz away if you need anything,” Tony assured him and was met with another smile, this one genuine and grateful, before he was out of the room.

* * *

The thing about Tony’s job was that it had cemented certain preconceptions in his mind. Especially when it came to love. Gone were the days when Tony believed that love was pure and beautiful and worth any and all pain. These days Tony was well aware of how painful and cruel love could be, he saw it every day after all. He didn’t let himself fall for the illusion of happily-ever-afters, true love, and soul mates. There were far more people suffering from unrequited love than the general public liked to believe and Tony was unable to look past their suffering. If only for the selfish reason that he didn’t want to suffer from it too.

The decision to stay away from romantic entanglements was one borne of self-preservation and one that no one could force him to give up. Not when love was as dangerous as it was. He wouldn’t risk it. Tony wasn’t stupid.

“Carol is different now. I want to say she’s happier but at the same time, I don’t know. Every time s _he_ gets brought up Carol doesn’t have anything to say. It’s so sad,” Rhodey told Tony as they rode the elevator down after a shift of work. They were down to three patients since Carol had been discharged but that didn’t change how often Rhodey saw her. They’d become steady friends through the ordeal. Tony still believed it to be a ticking time bomb but it was Rhodey’s decision not his.

“That’s what it’s supposed to do though. It’s supposed to give Carol the ability to breathe easy whether s _he_ gets brought up or not. It worked. You should be happy you didn’t have to watch your friend die.” Tony replied rather bluntly and the doctor beside him sighed but Tony knew he’d seen reason.

“I know all of that. That doesn’t change the fact that I wish it wouldn’t have to be this way, especially for Carol’s sake. Hanahaki is awful,” Rhodey said in a tone that always left Tony in an awkward place. It frustrated him that Rhodey continued to buy into that bullshit mentality that wishful thinking could actually make anything better, the media and society loved to push this idea, as ridiculous as it was, and yet it was understandable. It was relatable. Tony sometimes fell into the trap.

“I still think it’s for the best. She’ll be happy now. She doesn’t need love,” Tony said only to be scoffed at.

“Now you just sound bitter.”

“At least I won’t ever have to worry about flowers trying to grow out of my lungs.”

* * *

“Your chart was updated five times last night. You threw up three times and had two coughing fits. Your condition is progressing quite rapidly. I’m sorry to say this Steve but you won’t be able to go home now. Constant vigilance is now vital to your health. I’ll have to speak with Doctor Rhodes to see what we can prescribe you. We definitely can’t suppress the cough but we can give you something for the pain,” Tony said while going through his routine checkup and making updates to the medical chart.

“I’d definitely like something for the pain and maybe something light to stomach. I don’t think I can handle solid foods right now,” Steve murmured quietly from where he was reclining in his sheets. He was just a shade darker than the sheets he was unconsciously clutching onto and Tony knew the signs of a bad turn coming and coming fast.

“I can get you an IV. It’ll give you what you need and won’t require you to eat. Keep in mind it’s not a permanent solution but it’ll help for the meantime.” As he prepared to leave the room Steve’s quiet voice called him back.

“Can you just stay with me for a while and talk to me? No one has come to visit me since I got here and I’m feeling a little lonely.”

“Of course.” Tony agreed despite the million things he should be doing instead of sitting by the blond’s bedside.

* * *

Sitting next to Steve and talking to him soon became routine, just as routine as checking on his chart first thing in the morning when Tony saw him. Hearing stories about his life, his aspirations, and his hopes. Getting to know little facts about him like his favorite color being sky blue and that he loved to draw since he was young and had sketchbooks upon sketchbooks of the Avengers, especially Cap and Iron Man. Steve was the kind of man that could make Tony laugh.

Steve was the kind of person that one couldn’t help but like. It made Tony wonder which lucky girl had won his heart and what kind of person she was because she clearly didn’t return the love. If Tony believed in love, well, he’d want it from someone like Steve. Someone who could be kind, caring, and all other sorts of positive things that could brighten up his otherwise dismal life.

After all, there could be no denying that his job brought him more anguish than it rightfully should. Watching most of his patients choose to die had a way of breaking Tony slowly, little by little. Rarely did he admit to the weakness but now that he spent time with Steve he found himself opening up to the blond. He let him know the thoughts that plagued him after a particularly trying day via text message.

Never mind that he shouldn’t be texting his patients and sharing confidential information about other patients. It was just that Steve made it possible for Tony to vent about his frustrations without feeling bad about it after. Telling Rhodey had never felt this way.

**[7:00 PM Tony] Charles left us today.**

**[7:02 PM Steve] He did?**

**[7:07 PM Tony] He had a coughing fit. He couldn’t breathe and we couldn’t open up his windpipe without drastic measures. He’d made it clear he didn’t want any surgical help. We had to respect his wishes.**

**[7:07 PM Steve] I’m sorry, Tony.**

**[7:13 PM Tony] Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.**

**[7:14 PM Steve] It’s not yours either.**

The reply left Tony hanging because of course to some extent it was his fault. He’d failed in keeping his patient alive and as a nurse that was his main priority. Being a Hanahaki nurse was different but first and foremost Tony was just a nurse. Someone trained in keeping people alive, not comfortable while they waited to choke on their unrequited love flowers. 

**[7:15 PM Tony] I didn’t manage to convince him to get the surgery. He could still be here if I’d managed that.**

**[ 7:16 PM Steve] Are you sure about that? Charles had been going through this for a long time already. His body was certainly suffering the effects. It was more than just his lungs at this point right?**

As Tony began to type a reply another text came in.

**[7:17 PM Steve] You can’t save everyone, Tony. Some of us don’t want to be saved. At least not by you no matter how wonderful you are.**

**[7:18 PM Steve] It’s just not the same.**

And that last message left him wondering just what exactly he was doing because his actions were not those of a man simply friends with another man. The message was like a bucket of cold water. It was clarity.

Just what in the hell was Tony doing?

Steve, like Charles, was in love with someone and suffering the consequences of that and Tony was interacting with him as if he was simply a guy he was getting to know. He was acting like Steve was a potential partner in some distant future. When he’d taken a wrong turn onto the wrong path he didn’t know but Steve had certainly just reminded him of how unavailable he was.

* * *

Despite his moment of revelation Tony still continued to talk to Steve in the same manner. It was hard to break their routine and when he was with him, he hardly noticed how bad the situation really was. It seemed as if Steve never had to struggle with his roses when Tony was with him. Apart from the time they met Steve had never coughed or vomited up any petals in his presence but that by no means meant he was getting better.

Tony had cleaned up plenty of Steve’s pink petals when he was dozing after a particularly bad episode. He had once picked up an entire pink rose from a pile of vomit, and while he hadn’t been with him during the episode, he’d still been there after to clean up. The rose had been a beautiful shade of pink and awfully thorn ridden that Tony was honestly surprised Steve hadn’t vomited up a ridiculous amount of blood as the rose tore its way through him.

The time seemed to go by without Tony taking too much notice. He had become accustomed to keeping track based on how often Steve had an episode. Good days were two to three episodes and bad days were six to seven episodes. It was painful to watch and awfully familiar to watch someone Tony could admit to caring about get sicker by the day.

It was cruel of fate to make Steve’s flower a rose and a rose of a medium pink hue. What Steve had done to deserve such a cruel fate when he’d never been anything but utterly sweet as far as Tony knew was one of life’s biggest mysteries. After the episode that had resulted in Tony tossing out a whole rose, he’d quickly made use of his work computer to look up the meaning.

Hospitals, especially those that housed Hanahaki wards, were equipped with databases of flowers and the meanings that were attached to them, including differences based on color. The rose was symbolic of love. It was one of the most well-known symbols of love and the pink rose was more than that. Steve’s particular hue was symbolic of healing. Ironic that what was usually gifted to someone in recovery was actually killing Steve and not even going about it slowly.

Day by day Steve was weakening and Tony found himself growing more desperate. He didn’t want him to disappear in a breathless flutter of flower petals. Whether he liked him as a friend or more had nothing to do with it. He’d simply become attached to the sort of person that Steve was and now it seemed impossible to think of a world without him.

* * *

“There’s still time for you to get the surgery. If we wait much longer the damage to your other organs will become irreparable. I highly recommend you take this choice into consideration Steve otherwise as ominous as this sounds the end is very near,” Rhodey said while checking the results of the tests they’d run on Steve earlier that morning.

At a certain point in every patient’s life, no matter what their original decision had been, Rhodey offered them the way out through the surgery. He made the offer while there was still hope for recovery from the surgery with a high likelihood of no further complications. The fact Steve had gotten to this point made Tony rather afraid. There would be no turning back soon and Tony wasn’t sure if he was ready to face that.

Facing that would mean having to face his feelings and what they meant. Admitting to any feelings would mean opening himself to a world of hurt that he’d done his very best to avoid. Up until now, he hadn’t coughed up a single petal in his life so he liked to think he was safe. Then again when the first flower began growing the petals didn’t immediately try to escape the lungs. It took some time and that was a terrifying prospect.

Was he in love with Steve now? Was he dooming himself much in the same manner Steve had doomed himself months ago?

* * *

**[1:35 AM Steve] I like to think we’re really good friends. I just…I feel bad that I’ve been keeping this from you.**

**[1:35 AM Steve] For the last few days I’ve been vomiting up whole flowers. My throat is constantly in pain.**

**[1:42 AM Steve] There’s far more blood than I expected to be honest.**

**[1:42 AM Steve] I made Jim and the night shift nurses promise to keep this from you for as long as possible.**

**[1:43 AM Steve] The truth is, at this point, I’m beyond surgery. When Jim said that in the room with you it was already too late.**

**[1:44 AM Steve] I just need my friend right now.**

**[1:57 AM Steve] Please come sit by me one last time.**

And as the tears began to stream down Tony’s face and the sobs tore through his throat he felt it. The itch in his throat. The itch to cough, to cough up something that shouldn’t be there. Tony coughed through his sobs and like some innocent but terrifying harbinger of coming danger there were a few wisteria blossoms resting in his palm.

Wisteria.

Fate was entirely too cruel.

* * *

The night of the text messages and his first set of blossoms was not Steve’s final night. While Tony had used his position to sneak in and see Steve, it hadn’t been his last night. Regardless of that he’d stayed with him like he asked and watched over him as he suffered through the night. There had been more days to spend by his side. Days where Tony had seen what seemed like countless rose petals leak from the blonde’s lips. It was a wonder how he hadn’t managed to drown in them yet. He was far too resilient to let his one-sided love kill him off so easily but even his resilience was running out.

Steve’s ability to fight was rapidly diminishing day by day and the cannula helping him breathe simply wasn’t enough anymore. He was in pain. The thorns tearing at his insides as the roses viciously tried to grow their way out of him entirely. It was hard to watch and after a particularly bad episode, Tony would always find himself making excuses to get out of the room. He’d find himself in the bathroom holding onto a sink for dear life as he released his own set of blossoms.

Keeping his own flowers a secret was becoming harder by the day because not only were they rare flowers, flowers that no current patient was suffering from, they were also seemingly triggered by Steve’s own. Getting away from Steve would mean admitting to his own flowers and giving up the precious time he had left with him. And regardless of how much it was physically paining Tony, he wouldn’t give Steve up for anything in the world.

Tony now understood why so many patients had been willing to wait it out. To continue to live in hope that something would happen and something besides pain and heartache would come from their flowers. It was a rather vain hope but one that he was now clinging onto himself.

Except deep down Tony knew that his own set of flowers was going to either kill him or leave him entirely emotionless when it came to thinking about Steve in the future. In the end Steve was never going to love him back because he loved someone else and hadn’t been willing and continued to not be willing to give them up. Tony didn’t stand a chance there and he knew it.

He had already been dying on the inside anyway. The flowers had just come along to serve as a reminder of that pain.

* * *

Steve died with a rose on his lips one night.

Tony coughed up an entire vine of blood covered wisteria in his bathroom at home after getting the news via text from Rhodey.

Tony tossed the horrifying vine of bloody blossoms in the trash and gasping for breath made his way to his room to lay in bed. There wheezing for breath, he looked up the meaning of wisteria on his laptop. Wisteria had always been one of his favorite flowers despite everything and once he’d gotten his job he’d stopped looking into the detailed meanings of flowers unless he absolutely had to. It had been easier and better that way.

* * *

_The meaning and symbolism of Wisteria speaks of love lost, but also of the ability for the_ **_heart to endure_ ** _in spite of rejection. In other words, the weeping wisteria expresses sorrow, and as it is an incredibly durable vine, able to live (even flourish) through mistreatment and harsh conditions._

 _The Victorian era, during which the language of flowers was quite intricate, turned the Wisteria into a symbol of the duality of love. The symbolism of wisteria included a warning of_ **_clinging love_ ** _and understanding that love is the fruit, but our obsession with it will be as choking as the vine._


End file.
